Perhaps we prefer You that way, Lord… high above a mountaintop, in the form of an ominous cloud—we cannot quite make out what we’re seeing. There is distance, strained eyesight, loud and unidentifiable rumblings, fear in our hearts. But we’d have a messenger! One holier than us, willing to bear Your presence, able to receive Your instruction, admonishment, judgment, and commands.

Perhaps, deep down, we prefer this…

“But of course not!” we all shout in unison, glancing around. Of course, we prefer You this way—accessible, intimate, without a veil. After all, it is this same intimacy with which the Apostles knew the Christ. Face to face, less able to ‘tune out’ that ‘still, small voice,’ less tempted to. You see, Lord, on paper—in our prayer journals, in our social media posts—we adore Your nearness. In theory, it is everything we could ever desire.

And yet… I’m afraid to say… And yet, deep down, perhaps we’d prefer You a little further away—slightly out of arm’s reach, barely out of earshot.

We promise it isn’t personal, Lord. It’s not You, it’s us!

We read Your encouragements… “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) I think sometimes we fear the expectations concealed in those words. Not that we have to do anything prior to approaching Your throne, rather, what we know we ought to do as we depart from it.

We know that speaking to You as a man speaks to a friend implies transparency, authenticity, and devotion. For who among us would befriend the secretive man, the hypocrite, or the disloyal? We understand that the invitation to meet with You, as You have welcomed us, comes with the highest standards. And we are afraid. For we have experienced many days when we could not be ourselves, could not be honest, and could not commit. We hesitate, fearing to bring before You the uncommitted versions of ourselves. Yet, we know You are merciful, welcoming us as we are.

But You expect something from us after we have met with You: to leave changed, better, enlightened. With a desire to share this beauty with the world, with the conviction to repent of our sins, and with hope to meet with You again. And all of these things would make us and the world around us holier, if we are willing to participate.

Please help us, Lord. Help us not to fear Your expectations, but welcome them as the antidote to all that we fear within ourselves. You call us higher so that we may have a clearer vantage point of Your mercy and grace. You refuse our idolatry and hypocrisy because You created us for a purer reality. You challenge us to become completely unlike our natural selves because You are willing to aid us on that difficult journey of Theosis – becoming like You. Your very call for us to draw near is the voice of Your mercy summoning us from the bonds of our sin. Your expectations are not new parameters to confine us, they are the keys to unlock the cage of sin around us.

While we struggle to desire the intimacy and accountability that a friend of Yours would come to know, we know it is exactly what we need. Please help us see clearly, Lord. May we not confuse the boundaries of holiness for the shackles of sin. May we come to understand that our freedom is contingent on our communion with You. May we come to see Your invitation as the final answer to all our prayers, the remedy to our fears and doubts that we carry through each day.

We love you, Lord. Thank You for always beckoning us back to You.

Glory to the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, forever and always, amen.

To my readers, thank you.

With love in Christ,
Mercy Elizabeth.